Submitted by: Bellaisa Filippis

When you are in a relationship with someone there is bound to be disagreements. Normally disagreements can be handled with some tact and proper communications skills, but if not they quickly develop into arguing. Arguing heightens your emotions and you are more likely to say things that can hurt your partner just to win the argument. While you may think that these insults help you at the time the truth is they don t help you at all.

When making decisions with your partner differences often arise. It can be tempting to point out the mistakes of your partner from previous decisions, but avoiding that temptation is best. You will not only hurt their feelings by making them remember their mistakes, but you will also now lead the decision-making into a conversation or argument that will not be remotely productive. Remember that we all make mistakes and we learn from them. You wouldn t want all of your mistakes brought up constantly, so don t do it to your partner.

When having disagreements it can be tempting to say hurtful things just to win the argument. For instance, if you are disagreeing about how to get to a certain location, then you may point out that your partner always gets lost when trying to find somewhere. Making your partner feel bad is not a way to win a disagreement. In fact, winning shouldn t be the issue. Resolving the disagreement without making your partner feel bad should be the focus. So make your case in a disagreement, but don t point out why your partner is most likely wrong. Instead point out why you think you are right, and keep your mind open to the possibility that you may be wrong.

During arguments you also should be stating your point of view instead of insulting your partner. Arguments are usually started by a difference of opinion and the need to be right. If you open your mind up to other possibilities than just your own opinions and beliefs as being right, then you may find a world of less arguments and more interesting discussions. So lay off the insults and listen to another point of view.

There may also be times when you insult your partner for no reason. You may not be arguing at all. Maybe you and your partner are just sitting around watching wheel of fortune. The person solving the puzzle may give a far off answer and you are quick to mumble how they remind you of your partner. That’s an uncalled for cheap shot.

Cheap shots are generally defined as an aggressive and unfair remarks directed at a defenceless person without a reason. Your partner doesn t deserve to be told they are stupid while sitting down and watching a TV show. This applies to many put downs that you may give your partner throughout the day. There is never a reason to make a person feel bad or look bad in front of other people. It doesn’t make your relationship stronger, but instead it makes your relationship weaker.

So instead of resorting to cheap shots and insults in your relationship try making your partner feel validated, accepted, special, and needed. You will feel better about your relationship and find that it is healthier and happier than before.

About the Author: Bellaisa is an advocate for happy and stable relationships with yourself and with others and she has put together a site that has relationship advice, tips, and articles for relationships at

relationship-circle.com

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Source:

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